there was a time when the message ping on my phone would excite me. i would grab my phone eagerly excited about the new incoming message, or alert of call.
Now every ping makes my heart rate spike, and not in a good way. i hate every ping, every message that i have to respond to, every call that i have to take or make. i wish i could toss the phone away. My mother can be very incessant. and not in a good way.She cares, she is doing what feels right to her. checking up on her kids. cant blame her.
My mind though,just wants peace and quiet and rest. Something that it hasn’t had in years. Something that it will never have. worry is a part of life and so is stress. but they can be exhausting and the constant ring of the phone doesn’t help.
So,i am going to set my phone to vibrate and see how that works out.
Blue October always always make me feel better.
I know you think that i am not good enough, but it’s you who is not good, for me.
You Always seem to sense when i am at my lowest, because that is when you give me a call or send me a text that takes me even lower than i thought i could go.
You Always seem to sense when i am really really happy, because that is when you give me a call or send me a text that sends me plummeting down into a bottomless abyss.
But i am stronger now, i have help now. I will fall but not for long. i will rise above.
You may hurt me but you won’t crush me.
I am weary. I know you do not understand how or why, but i just am.